Life is not to be wasted; money can be taken away but freedom
cannot.
Just two months into my nervous foray into travelling, I’m already
addicted. The crazy ideas need not much ruminating; they’re quickly morphing
into hopes and dreams. Fears? A slight, but not so immaterial one – shall I
willingly mortgage my future for a life of wanderlust? That’s been weighing
down ever since Day 1. And then there are existential issues. Travel is a
selfish endeavor, only nourishing one’s soul at great cost to one’s expenses.
The vast majority of the impoverished world cannot even afford to leave their
home nation, let alone think self-actualized thoughts. How about the risk of
loss of limb and life? What will society think after I’ve flunked its
expectations? Will I be forever labeled a cop-out, one who couldn’t and
wouldn’t buy into the system?
The scales are tipping though. For every morsel of doubt, there’s an
even stronger rebuff for taking the risk into the vast and scary world. And so
even if misfortune and misdeed should befall me, I’m resolved to live a life
not thrown away to conventional wisdoms and expectations. I will then ask, when
will the veil of expectation ever end? I may get a failing grade for my
twenties scorecard, but I’ll counter that success is relative and in the eye of
the beholder. I won’t beseige any who may not share the same views I do, for if
power, fame, and wealth are their prerogatives, that’s their free will. I’ve
also got enough insecurities as it is to fear for the future. Not fear, but
faith.
I am a born optimist. I’ve got faith in what's right, and in the
decisions that I've taken. I’ve also done my research and planning and self
cross examining, and the verdict remains unturned. I have faith that life will
reward patience and character, faith that if I shall stay true to my values and
principles, things will turn out just fine, or all right… or at least not
the end of the world. And travel? Why, travel is for finding out precisely what
my character is, where the gray line is, where the limits of moral endurance
will go. Finally, I’ve got faith that I will eventually give back more to
society than all of what I took from it.
To be frank, quitting my job was a logical conclusion. Quite simply,
my propensity of bullshit at the organizational level was low. I couldn't lie
to myself and pander to the politics of the day, not at this age. Perhaps in my
cynical middle-age, I may with reluctance enter the world of managing human
expectations. I'd rather stay socially young and naive than mature and jaded.
And of course travel is much more, too. Here come the raining
clichés - to see and connect with people, to share hugs and laughs and smiles
and love, to drink and eat together. It’s as well the best chance to explore new
culture - in literature, in philosophy, in languages, in music, in art, in
dance, and in cuisine.
Reading has also naturally come as I pass the time between cities. It’s
allowed me to formulate novel yet ridiculous ideas. It’s also allowed me to
contemplate and start writing.
So to me success is happiness, that elusive standard to which all
men and women can only strive to nearly achieve. It’s about doing little bits
of good, just like teachers do, to make small but meaningful impacts in others'
lives. Glory can be a vice, for there's no need to seek recognition but in
oneself. I’ve got faith that modesty will always be recognized by those that
matter most to you. As Thoreau once said, "public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion".
And so in the end, I’m just thankful that I live in a free world.
And above all, I’m thankful that I’ve got my personal freedom above all else.
"In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high... It is never too late to give up our prejudices". - Henry David Thoreau, Walden